Given that Donald Trump inexplicably appears to have a real shot at winning the White House, perhaps I am not being presumptuous about getting into power myself.
One of the first things I would do – and I have said this before in the past – is take a long, hard look at the calendar.
Why, for instance, is Christmas and New Year so close together? Do we need to cram all that excess into the space of a week?
To my mind, a much better solution would be to move New Year to June or July when the weather is nice. That way we could spread out the good cheer – and the expense – throughout the year. Even better, if we have 12 months of 30 days we could give ourselves five days holiday for New Year. Or we could go the whole hog and make the calendar metric. Ten months of 35 days would give us 15 spare days to spread over the Christmas and New Year holidays.
While I was at it, I would also move October. Octopus, octagon; clearly October is meant to be the eighth month, not the tenth. But Dectober sounds a bit clunky. A cleaner fix would be just to adopt the Vietnamese calendar and have month one, month two etc.
Curiously, I would probably leave the days of the week alone. There’s not much there that irritates me. And, in any case, it would mean a wholesale change to dozens of song titles. Changing to the Vietnamese versions of day two, day three etc. would do nothing for the music industry: Day we don’t work Bloody Day we don’t work, I don’t like Day Twos, Blue Day Two, Ruby Day Three, Another Day Seven Night, and so on. Hardly as catchy as Sunday Bloody Sunday, I don’t like Mondays, Blue Monday, Ruby Tuesday and Another Saturday Night.
Mucking about with calendars, though, has so far usually been reserved for despots and the power mad. Still, the chances of me getting into a position where I could actually implement any of this is remote. Alarmingly, as much of a long shot as The Donald when he first set out on the presidential campaign trail.